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Life Lessons From The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders

31 May

Season Five, Episode 2, of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders – Making the Team favorite moment:  During the panel interviews, DCC Director Kelli Finglass, asks four cheerleader hopefuls:

“Line by line, starting with you, say the national anthem…”

Ms. Finglass defined the moment as “painful”.  In the privacy of my own home, I, too, squirmed.  Under pressure, could I solo the song word for word?   When the show was over, I dashed to my computer monitor to Google The Star Spangled Banner.

As I hummed a few bars in my mind, I realized, probably not.  I get hung up on “O’er the ramparts we watch’d.”  Opening up my faithful Webster Dictionary, I clearly catalogued ‘rampart’ to memory by definition.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago.  My desk calendar was marked for the 15th of May for preliminary DCC tryouts.  I dropped Sunni Cranfill a note letting her know she would be in my prayers.  She emailed back to remind me that the veterans return on May 27th for final try-outs and the panel interview.

Panel Interviews?  My Scooby-Do ears perked up and I couldn’t help myself. Ignoring my mantra of “Resist the Temptation” I marched forward in giving the two-year veteran (and former Miss Texas) unasked for, unsolicited, and completely free advice.

I told her to be sure to know the words to the national anthem.  And if you are going to give free advice, why stop there?  I added:

My mom and I were talking about the national anthem…and we both think it is really difficult.  Mom told me Congress discussed changing it a while back to either God Bless America or America the Beautiful.  I was really surprised!  In a way, the words to O Say Can You See don’t flow so much, from a literary standpoint.  I had to look up the word ‘rampart’ after last year’s DCC interviews.  And I think the national anthem is further complicated by years of standing around groups of people who make up the words as they go along.  Why would I think the guy next to me drinking his brewsky knows the words?  Just because he goes to every Red Sox Game?  Is it broad stripes, bright stripes….hum hum hum stripes?  I think people even screw that up!

Why did I write all that to my friend Sunni?  Yes, the brewsky guy is pretty funny.  I’ve also heard on good authority if you don’t know the words to a song just sing ‘watermelon.’  Had I’d known that life lesson when I emailed Sunni, I surely would have thrown that morsel in, too.

What’s not so funny is that during Megan’s cancer journey explaining myself became my absolute pet peeve.  Nearly every day I had a phone call wondering why I wasn’t taking Megan to Nebraska Med Center?  (Her renowned endocrinologist worked at the Med Center, and consulted with her oncologist at Methodist Eastabrook Cancer Center.  In addition, Megan’s urologist was trained at Nebraska Med Center.)  Or I was asked as why we didn’t drive Megan up to Mayo Clinic?  (Megan was on a trial study supervised by her oncologist and Mayo Clinic.  Also we did go see the world expert at NIH who specializes in adrenal cancer research and studies.)  After the big boys of medicine were discussed, my daily dose of free advice rounded up with vitamins and magic potion drinks.  Wow, they’d give me the first case free.  (We tried it, and the acidity in the juice tore Megan’s stomach apart.)

Sweet Jesus….it’s been seven years.  The senseless use of my time as so many others demanded an explanation on the choices I’d made based on the extensive research I’d already done.

But I’m a human like the rest of you, and before I shelled out my free advice to Sunni Cranfill regarding third grade memory work on the Star Spangled Banner, I failed to research her talents and patriotism.  No sooner than my free advice was out there in cyber space, the truth appeared in the form of a You Tube video.

A life lesson well-learned.  I’ll remember to be slow to give unasked for words of wisdom.  In front of a crowd of 80,000 my friend knew all the words.

Key Notes:

  • Sunni Cranfill advanced to Training Camp for the 2011-2012 Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.
  • The three women singing in the video are Brittany Evans, Cassie Trammell, and Sunni Cranfill.  Sign them up for next year’s Super Bowl!
  • Congress proclaimed The Star Spangled Banner the U.S. National Anthem in 1931.
  • Regarding unsolicited comments, Miss Manners says, “Sadly, most of what people say in passing is the first thing that pops into their heads, whether or not it is obvious, silly or even true.”
  • Miss Manners’s 10 Worst Faux Pas cites my offense at
    • 2.  HELPFULNESS  When this consists of minding other people’s business, by volunteering, unasked, your opinion of how they should lead their lives.

On A Lighter Note:

  • Joe, the art student that lives with me, told me that he did not know what a rampart was in third grade.  However, he now knows its exact definition and said ‘I probably learned it on a video game.’

Modestly Speaking

20 Sep

Ibero-Americana - Summer of 1974My son (and all of his friends) will tell you that I am the modesty police.  Ryan was not allowed to mow the yard without a t-shirt, and the same no shoes, no shirt, no service philosophy applied at the dinner table.  When he would argue that it was hot mowing the yard, I would rebuttal that it was equally steamy sitting at his ball games…and how would he feel if I went down to the Goodwill and got some skeezy yellow halter tank top so I could sit in cool comfort for nine innings?  Ryan thought the comparison was ridiculous, though I would rest my case stating that men of all ages can go completely topless for the sake of comfort, yet halter tops are considered hoochy.

I’m glad this photo never surfaced in the war of the t-shirt.  This is me…the summer of 1974 in Mexico City.  Age 17.  Weight 125 lbs.  Not  just my imaginary driver’s license weight, but my real life size.

Sweet Jesus…There was a day when my thighs didn’t rub together.

My Nana passed those exact legs on to my mom who passed them on to me.  Three generations of gorgeous gams.  It’s shocking to think that my mom made this short little dress.  It’s so  leggy-licious! If it was that short standing, what was it like sitting?

This less than modest photo would have blown my cover on our fashion debate, so I kept it securely boxed in a cobweb filled corner of the basement for the last 36 years.  I agree with Anthony Bourdain, the writer and food enthusiast, who says that ‘there are no cool dads.’  He ditched the Ramones t-shirts, leather jacket and earring the day his daughter was born.  There should also be no cool moms and I never felt there was an appropriate moment to show Ryan (or Megan) the tattered album of ticket stubs, notes and photos of me in a white bikini running the beaches of Vera Cruz.

Megan Bosselman definitely did not want a cool mom.  She did want a mom that dressed age appropriate and fashionable;  but her heart’s cry was for a woman of wisdom that could navigate her through life and death decisions and a host of health care professionals.  I made every effort to deliver.

While Megan did have her youthful moments in sexy clothing (Officer McNaughty for Halloween), she desperately strived for modesty while under the medical microscope.  Cancer not only invades a body, but it can invade your last shred of physical privacy.  From doctors and health care providers examining every inch of her form, to medical students standing in the hall of the hospital pouring over the notes on her most unusual cancer, my girl’s body seemed to be not her own.  No matter how respectful the medical team was, she still felt exposed.

Her nakedness before doctors and nurses was compound by the unexpected, unplanned intrusion of visitors.  Let me be clear in saying that I am not referring to our friends.  However, in the last two years of Megan’s life she had random visits from, for example, the Xerox lady that services machines at her dad’s restaurant.  To this day I don’t know her name, but the intrusive curiosity by a stranger still leaves me perplexed.

Megan’s primary internist, Dr. Caitlin Foxley, added this important comment on patient struggle for privacy:

Even the housekeeping people come in and see patients in their vulnerable and near-naked state – perfect strangers and even they have access to patients who want their privacy.

On a regular basis we placed a “no visitors” sign on the door, but I can name several occasions when visitors barged through the barrier, stating “God told me to come pray.”  With often only a thin white cotton sheet separating Megan’s near naked body from the outside world, our thoughts often ended with “God can read, our visitors can not.”

Megan died wanting me to write material that helps the human race.  She specifically wrote:

I want to inspire people to be better friends to those who are walking with cancer.

Be inspired today to remember the sacredness of the human body.  Modesty is not just for moms.

Key Notes:

  • Respect the No Visitor’s sign.  There are no locks on hospital room doors, and patients are trusting your ability to read.
  • Make a call in advance before visiting a friend in the hospital.  Ask, “Would you like a visitor?”
  • Do not sit on the patient’s bed.
    • Example:  The slight movement of the mattress would shift the pressure on Megan’s spinal tumor, skyrocketing her pain.
    • Example:  There may be tubes and catheters under the sheets that you are unaware of.  Sitting on them, causing a tug at the patients body, could be disasterous.
  • Resist the temptation to rifle through cards and gifts around the patient’s bed.  That is their private property and in some respects, their entire world.
  • Farrah Fawcett, in her most public battle with cancer, said the thing she wanted most was privacy.  She also said, “It’s much easier to go through something and deal with it without being under a microscope.”

On A Lighter Note:

  • Megan completely banned me from using the word booty-licious.  Mom’s are also not allowed to use words from the Urban Dictionary.
  • My girl was always mad that the beautiful leg DNA did not infiltrate her gene pool.  I told her she got the gorgeous face gene instead.

The Low-Down on Downsizing – Part 1

5 Jan

I made up my mind when Megan passed away that I would take my time on sorting through her things, and nobody was going to bully me into thinking they knew best. It was my daughter (as she was dying) that gave me the courage to see how I should live my life. Megan was completely clear that her body had been pieced apart; by chemo, by radiation, by the loss of an adrenal gland and kidney, and ultimately by cancer taking siege of her very life. Yet, before she died she left everything to me, saying she did not want ‘the others’ coming in like locusts…piecing apart her personal possessions. (Editor’s note: You need to watch the television series Lost to appreciate the significance of the words ‘the others’)

It must have been the grace of God Almighty that I was able to navigate through her death (and the weeks after) with a sense of control. While there are no advantages to having a daughter die slowly of an aggressive cancer, there are positive points to having time to think through what you and your loved-one want. I had lots of time prior to her death. I absolutely knew what I wanted, and no well-meaning relative was going to decide for me.

The truth is for me, and most readers, that your sincere family and friends would love to come in, void of your feelings and emotions, and box up the life of the person you just laid to rest. Somewhere there is a line of thinking that says it’s more emotionally healthy to clear out the old clothes and personal items immediately. Resist the temptation to let ‘the others’ decide for you.

The day after Megan’s funeral, for whatever crazy reason that I need not defend, I had Aunt Shirley load up all of Megan’s intimate undergarments and my cousin Garry drove them to The Goodwill. There was something so wildly personal about her Victoria’s Secret underwear and her lacy bras bought on e-bay.  I made the decision that I would let them go immediately, lest I become the crazy mom who spent my days clutching my daughter’s personal items. Megan would yell at me for being a loon, and I resisted the temptation by the immediate removal of those items. Remember, I decided. It was the right time for me.

Be clear on the fact that the only thing that was immediately removed were her undergarments. It’s been a slow process on other items over the last 22 months. So many times, I just knew. I just knew it was time to let go…I knew where Megan would want that item to go…I knew I was ready to let go. My favorite story was about a month after her death. I opened a drawer to behold countless headbands. They ranged from glittery rhinestones to classy velvet. When my girl had hair, she adorned it with beautiful accessories. Opening the drawer I thought, “What in the world am I going to do with these?”

To my surprise, that question was immediately answered. An old friend e-mailed me that day to inquire about my well-being. He went on to say that his daughter, Jillian, had a headband of Megan’s that she wore every night to bed. Jillian told her dad she thought of Megan every time she pulled it through her hair. Megan, who was Jillian’s babysitter, had given the headband to her many years prior. I had no idea. Megan would weep in that knowledge. It made me cry thinking that most every single night, in health and sickness, the girl Megan used to babysit was thinking of MY girl. In a moment, I just knew where the headbands should go.

I know many of my friends/relatives wanted to box up Megan’s things to spare me from further heartache. The truth of the matter is they would have also denied me the joy of boxing up part of my daughter’s lifetime, and mailing it to a vibrant young woman named Jillian.

Funeral Etiquette 101

14 Jul

Surely the Michael Jackson funeral was the most attended funeral of all time, with millions across the world hinging on every moment, every speaker, and every visual presentation.

In the same way I will never forget the image of John F. Kennedy, Jr. saluting as his father’s casket passed, I will never forget the image of Paris Michael Jackson resting on her grandmother’s bosom during the ceremony.  ”Bosom” is a word described by Webster’s dictionary as “the chest conceived of as the seat of the emotions and intimate feelings.”  Can any of us possibly image the emotional and intimate feelings of a  a 11 year old girl at the funeral of her father?

That day, it didn’t matter to Paris that her dad was the king of pop…he was ‘her dad’.

Katherine Jackson is the bosom of their family, and Paris rested her head on the very heart of her grandmother.  At a funeral, this is the only place that ‘bosom’ has meaning or significance.   This observation leads me to pose the question as to the appropriateness of Mariah Carey’s plunging neckline?  I know she is a superstar.  I know she was on stage before millions.  But is wearing plunging ‘evening wear’ appropriate for a funeral?

The funeral of my 27 year old daughter was such as solemn occasion that I told the family “Please wear black”.  I was really saying “This is not a happy occasion.”

I had hoped nobody was stupid enough to wear flip-flops to her funeral.  It would have been dishonoring to the life of my daughter, who strove for excellence in everything she did.  My saving grace was that the funeral was at the end of March, and it is cold in Nebraska.  With that said, I can’t tell you how many weddings and funerals I’ve attended recently where guests showed up in shorts and flip-flops.  Weddings, too, are a solemn occasion.  A wedding is a time when a man and a woman make a pledge before God Almighty that nothing, nobody, no thing, will come between them. Funerals, for obvious reasons, are a solemn occasion.  Do I need to explain the gravity of the day that I laid my 27 year old daughter to rest?  Why not throw on a real pair of shoes and a little black dress?

I almost named Megan “Moriah”.  It’s a beautiful name.  Mariah Carey seems to be a beautiful person, inside and out.   She was visibly moved as she sang at the funeral.  Her breasts, too, were oh so visible.  Was it too much to ask, in respect to the occasion, to lock and load ‘the girls’?

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